Disconnected plural

Once a plural memory
Now disconnected by fragments
Interrupted by daily life,
A sudden load of reality thrust upon me.
A revelation demands thrill
all I can muster is a half baked smile.
I know the consequences that loom ahead.
Fragmented past laid on shaky foundation.
Loneliness a factor deep down.
Its evident and was bound to happen.
Must be the center of attention.
My pain unfound.
hidden to accommodate the thrill I don't feel.
Its almost irrelevant now.
Vacuum building every new event.
I don't belong,
I don't want to adhere to those damn norms.
But I know the consequences.
I feel them now.
Its only going to get worse.
I've got a few months more to regain my perspective
Fight or flight not the only option. But that's what I'd choose from. 
landslide of thoughts pummel my brain.
The delicate shield of reality split right down the middle.
Time to give up the fight and just go with the flow.
Potential for loss high
no way to hedge the bet of impending doom.
I surrender, i subliminally resign.
I let life flow through my thoughts
Let it unfold the inevitable.
day by day
Until the end of the decade and the future I fear.
- Shivangi Vyasulu