Reminiscence

The child in me longs for
The days of hopscotch
When all that mattered
Was that you stayed
within the box.

The child in me longs for
The days of lagorie
When all that mattered
Was a ball, seven stones,
And quick reflexes.

The child in me longs for
The days of hide and seek
When you only hid for fun
And all you sought after
Was your friend nearby

The child in me longs for
The days of ice cream
When all you had to do
Was finish your homework
To get a reward.

The child in me longs for
The days of jumping in puddles
When all that mattered
Was who splashed the farthest
And got muddier.

The child in me longs for
The days of swings
When every to and fro
Sent adrenalin and happiness
Flowing through your bloodstream.

The child in me longs for
The days of wonder and awe
When all it took
Was seeing fireworks in the sky
And watching a trail of ants.

The child in me longs for
The days of simplicity
When people said what they meant
When problems were fixed
With a chocolate and a hug.

The child in me longs for
Childhood and innocence
Humility and authenticity
When all that mattered
Was that you be yourself.

Drop the veil

Brain in orbit
Smile in check
Words that swim
Through my heart
And out of my breath
Feelings so confusing
Swirling around
Waiting for you to claim them
They need
Help with sound
Pick them up gently
Try them on for size
But please
Drop the disguise
Unhinge those hesitations
Let these words pass through
The truth like a bell
That tolls for you.

Sparks

When all you see
Are eyes that follow your every move
When all you get
Are words that seem insincere
When all you do is chase them away
The one that stuns you
Beyond your senses
Suddenly you wonder about this stranger
Sparks fly
And you didn't know
what to do with those sparks
You fumble
You falter
You want it to happen
But the past attention
Prevents you from moving
You need to make the move
Coz it's her.
But how?

I need to think clearly
I need to make it happen
I need to push the past away
Coz strangers when they meet
Sparks can fly.

Horizon in view

Soaring above the horizon
Though the canvas of dreams
Without interruptions
Without doubt
You get higher up
You blend with the blue
You stretch those cords
But that's just you.

Soar just a little higher
Dream just a little brighter
Camouflage and conquer the blue
Without interruptions
Without doubts
Reach for the stars
And catch a few
Your cords want you to
But that's just you!

That light you see

Dramatic skies
Gloomy grey
Waiting to unleash
Their wrath on this day
Weighing the sky down
Spreading dismay

The sky slowly transforms
With time the clouds move
Changing the perspective
For those who brood

Little bursts of light
Peeking through the grey
Spreading slowly
Across the expanse
Bring forth hope
And say 'nay' to dismay

Rockstars

When rockstars close their eyes
And rockstars sleep
Then are rockstars free from fan girls
And get that rockstar peace?

When rockstars close their eyes
And rockstars dream
Do rockstars hear a crowd
Of their fans who scream?

When rockstars get tired
From a busy week
Do rockstars turn to music
Or do rockstars sleep?

The YOU in my head

Closing my eyes
Is the trigger
To the world of you
Closing my eyes
Triggers
Conversations new

I close my eyes
Let my eyelashes
Settle on my lower lid
And smile at the dreams
Of a path to a world
That includes you.

Coz closing my eyes
Is the trigger
To the world of you
Closing my eyes
Triggers
Conversations new

I close my eyes
And feel your breath
On my eyelids
And smile at the warmth
That pulls me
Closer to you

Closing my eyes
Is the trigger
To the world of you
Closing my eyes
Triggers
Conversations new

But when I open my eyes
One night or two
I open them wide
And I see you.

Feeling in perspective

If feelings are feelings,
And feelings are felt,
Then do people feel those feelings
Like nobody else?

Or do people feel
In synchronised choruses
Of butterflies and swells
Of emotions and confusions
Like everybody else?

If one woman's butterflies
Are another woman's flutter
Then is one woman's heart
And one woman's shiver
Like another woman's soul?

And if butterflies and flutters
Are like the heart and soul,
Then are crushes and feelings
Felt in bold?

The Past

When you give it your all
And you bare your soul
When you love
With every muscle and bone
When you share your dreams
And encourage others too

When you live your life
With your heart on your sleeve
When you try your best
To be the best you can be
When you take the bullet
And still shield those you love

When it all breaks down
On a trivial blurt
When it all breaks down
And causes you hurt
When no chance is given
And the past is forgotten

You let go
You move on
You take note
You dream on
You stay strong
You see it through
You give up
You be you.

In Your Eyes

I aim for perfection
I aim to dazzle
I aim to stun
I aim to take your breath away

I smile warmly
I smile mischievously
I smile wickedly
I smile to invite you in

But to you I'm perfect
I'm perfect without it all
I'm perfect as I wake up
I'm perfectly clear to you

I say it all perfectly
I say it all gently
I say it all jovially
To you I say it all

I fit you perfectly
I fit in your hands
I fit in your sentiments
With you, I fit perfectly

And to you I'm perfect
I'm perfect without it all
I'm perfect as I wake up
I'm perfectly clear to you

I'm perfectly clear around you
I'm perfectly clear with you
I'm perfectly clear to you
I'm perfect to you.

Serendipity

Every note tonight
Every smile
Every little modulation
Was perfect

Every speck of light tonight
Every strobe
Every little flicker
Was perfect

But what put it all to shame
Was saying goodbye to you

For what could have been
For what may have been
For what wasn't
For what just wasn't to be

But it really isn't goodbye.
It really wasn't said
All you said was
"Thank you, you made this so special"

And so it shall be.

Keep Moving

Some days you absorb emotions
And some days you purge emotions
Sometimes you feel
And sometimes you let others feel
It's a wheel
It sometimes need oiling
It sometimes encounters rubble
And violent turbulence
But the wheel still comes a full circle
And starts over again.
It's time to reset the wheel
With new shock absorbers
With new treads
On new paths.
And the wheel moves smoother
And faster
And stronger.

Projecting a mirage

Every time I talk to you
I feel some despair
Every time I hear from you
Lesser do I care
Every thing you ask of me
Feels like it's a dare
To test my strength
To reduce me
Forget that I'm there.

Every word you've said to me
Every day you're there
Every message you send to me
Makes me want to pull my hair
Every sentiment you portray
Feels like it's designed to be on-air
To show the world a side of you
That both of us know
Isn't there.

Introspection

I've been told
I deserve someone
Who is crazy about me
Someone
with all-consuming love
The kind that
Turns my world
And treats me like
I'm made of the finest diamond

I've been told
That my aura
Is infectious
That I glow gold
That I deserve movie-love
And sweet nothings
And rainbows
And sunshine
I've been told

I think you deserve
Someone who gets you
Who knows your soul
Who knows your past
But doesn't let it seep
into your future

I think you deserve
Someone who makes you feel
Like a rockstar
Someone who can kick your ass
When you get too full of yourself
And then kiss it all away.

I think you and I deserve
To see the truth
About who we are.
Whether together or apart
We need to open our eyes
And look in the mirror
And see ourselves

What do you think?

Tossing a coin

I'm torn between my options
Of kicking your ass
Or kissing your lips
Of glaring at you
Or gazing at you
Of twisting your ears
Or hugging you close

I'm torn between
Wanting you
And letting you go
Loving you
And hating your guts
Being riveted to you
And spinning away from you

I'm torn between
Longing for you
And ignoring you
Yelling at you
And whispering sweet nothings
Saying something that'll make you run
Or letting you come to me

I'm a conundrum of thoughts
And you're in them.

Watching the clock

Some days you count minutes
As they fly by
Giving you whiplash

Some days you count minutes
As they crawl by
Willing you to wait

Some days come
Some days go
Some days just happen
Some days aren't worth trackin'

Some days you wait patiently
With a smile on your face
The epitome of grace

Some days you crave
Instant gratification
And a quickened pace

Some days come
Some days go
Some days just happen
Some days aren't worth trackin'

Some days I think of you
Standing by my side
Totally content

Some days you seem like
A faded memory
Hacked by reality

Some days come
Some days go
Some days just happen
Some days aren't worth trackin'

Petty robbery

You stole from me
You stole a gift
When I was drunk
And vulnerable
You stole it
A gift given to me by a child

Then you promised
you'd give it to me
In two days
But you're unreliable
And apparently don't know
that an apology
Is humane.

You stole my gift
Then laughed about it
You stole my gift
And were not guilty
You make no time
To do the right thing
You stole my gift
And expect a smile

You stole a child's enthusiasm
A child's excitement for music
To further your own
You didn't think
To apologise to her
Because you don't know the words.
You stole from a child
And you stole from me

You're not who I thought at all
You're a thief.

Diffusing You

With each action of yours
You have less power over me.
With each lie you've told
You've lost a little more of me
With each cold moment
You're a little less warm
With each lost interaction
You lose momentum
With each convoluted story
You're a little less attractive
With each hidden word
You're voice loses sincerity
With each day this fortnight
You've lost credibility

You're losing me
Rapidly
And you don't even know it.

Moving On

I gave up on you.
I told myself I'd wait
Till Christmas
Ironic isn't it?
To wait for Christmas?
But I had thought I would.
But then
You
Let me down.

We moved very slowly
Together
But then you
Kept taking a step back.
Was I to pause?
Put my feelings on hold?
Until you caught up?
I can't switch them on and off.
So I switched off.

You seemed promising
But you broke promises.
You seemed true
But then you lied.
You said you had trust issues.
Was I to trust you?
When you don't trust yourself?
So I walked away.
I gave up on you.

I walked ahead
Quicker paces
Away from you
Today I switched off
Today I walked away
From you.

You were a mistake

I opened my heart
And let you in
I put my soul on display.
I smiled so wide
That my eyes crinkled
And my eyeliner
smudged on my lids.
I longed to hear your voice
Or see your face
Those days that I did
I beamed.
I sang songs to you
And wrote you poetry
I said it all so loud.

I didn't see the colours
Coz I was blinded
By your infectious laugh
And what I thought
I saw in you.
But the colours did show
And the darkness
Percolated around
And suddenly I knew.

You're wrong for me
You're totally wrong
How could I not have seen?
You have some growing up to do
And I need a grown up being.

But when I'll open up
My heart again
And when I'll bare my soul
I don't have the faintest idea yet
Or when I'll feel for someone
The way I felt
I really don't know.

A mirage?

A few days ago
You held my shoulders
And told me
You liked what you saw
Said I was a tease
Asked me to tease you some more

A few days ago
You held my eyes
And told me
You wanted what you saw
The visual of us tangled
Playing in my mind

A few days ago
You held my libido
In your palm
And then told me
You'd give it back to me
If I asked nicely

But I'm not nice
And I'm a tease
And you saw what's on my mind
Tangled libido
Set free

By you
Or me?

Sublime

Your lips elude me
Your eyes evade me
But your breath excites me
As you linger
Teasing me
Taunting me
Tempting me
Touching me
Telling me
Your thoughts
Your lips just beyond reach
Your eyes focused on my lips
Instead of my eyes
Your hands
Everywhere I want them
Yet not where they should be
My knees begin to buckle
And yet I stand
Leaning on you
Yearning
Riveted to you
And your lips still elude me.

Luridly you

Tease me with your lips
Hold me down and kiss me
Tie me to your body
Every way you can

Pull me closer to you
Sway with me quick
Sweat with me like a river
And tickle my fantasy

Heat this room with our bodies
Make this a torrid affair
Burn my skin with yours
Make me arch until I'm there

Then set my skin on fire
With those burning lips so red
Consume me with those sultry eyes
And finish me just the same.

Earworm

Every sip
Lubricates our thoughts
Every new song
Triggers memories
Every solo
Reminds us
Of decades ago
Of me
Naïve
Of you
Restless
Of drunken moments
And strong reactions
Do you remember that?

You're free

You're gone
And your house feels a little empty
You're gone
And your house is a little quieter
You're gone
And your house is a little colder
You're gone
And the world is a little duller
You're gone
And we're all a little poorer.

But you're gone
And you're free
And you're happy
And your pain is gone
And your memories are yours again
And your sister no longer waits for you.

The dynamic, diabolical duo
Rocking the beyond.

I need a patronus

You're neurotoxic.
You cripple.
You manipulate.
You hinder mental function.
You cause migraines.
You siphon out serotonin.
You deplete dopamine.
You feed on others' misery.
You're a dementor.
You're neurotoxic.

Hostage

Trapped
Numbed
Suppressed
Silent
I whimper
I whine
I long
For home
For the comfort
Of home
For the feel of home
For the light
Carefree home
I long to be me
Once more

After You

After you were gone
I gently closed the door.
An era complete
Yet a feeling
Of injustice.

The emptiness echoes
Stirs my soul
Shreds my heart
Tightens my lungs
Leaves me breathless.

On the fence

Are you my man on the moon
Or did I speak too soon?
Did you mean what you said
Or were those just words instead?
Will you say them again
Or am I waiting in vain?

You said what I said
But you turned away
And I didn't stay.

Would you reach over to me
Or should I just dream it to be?
Did we walk side by side
Or were you just trying to hide?
Could it be that I'm imagining it
Or was that moment what defined it?

You said what I said
But you turned away
And I didn't stay.

Should I have stayed
Just another day?

Broken Time

Everyone's busy
Everyone has no time
Everyone looks happy
Even with a fucked up mind.

Once in a while
A drink or two
Catching up with friends
A dinner or two.

But everyone's busy
Everyone has no time
Everyone looks happy
Even with a fucked up mind.

Once in a while
I reach out to you
To distract me a little
A joke or two.

But everyone's busy
Everyone has no time
Everyone looks happy
Even with a fucked up mind.

Embers

I spoke to you today
And it was cold
Emotionless
But that's OK
Coz I'm warm
And passionate
And free
And I have nothing to hide.
I just continue to hope
That one day you'll
Grow a heart
Coz you'll need it.

Affinity

Blazing hot
Sweltering
Like embers
I stop and look at you
I inhale your presence
Your aura so white
Your thoughts
So damned clear to me
And your mind
so clearly diverted
And yet I linger
And yet I stand by you
Getting scalded by you
By the sparks flying out
Of you
Of your very being
And yet I stand by you
Longing
To feel your aura
Envelope me
Just once

The light at the end of the tunnel- Me

A few years ago
I lost myself
I wandered aimlessly
I sank
I floundered
I flipped out.
I felt used
I felt manipulated
I felt violated
I felt subjugated
I felt alone.
But then I found music
I found variation
I found conversation
I found movement
I found great passion
And all-consuming pain
I learnt how to speak
And dream once again
I was filled with zest
And inspiration
Each instrument I heard
Was a new dissertation
I pirouetted and twirled
I waltzed once again
The world around me
Moved once again
I felt my heart and pulse
And knew I was alive
And music is what found me
And showed me how to thrive

Inertia

Sometimes
You just need to sleep
Hibernate and percolate
Feel your soul float
Through the universe of thought
While your eyes
Firmly closed
Shut out your surroundings
Shut out gadgets and voices
Shut out work
Shut out decisions
Sometimes
You just need to be.

Tempermental ticking

Some days just crawl by
Waiting for a purpose
They stutter and stagger
And trip and stumble
Your thoughts seem
Almost a mumble.

Some days speed by
As if on steroids
Hustling and bustling about
They zig and zag
With thoughts so loud
They're almost just a blur

More times than not
They wriggle by
Without a thought
They startle you
With their mundaneness
The uneventful
Tick- tock

Red Means Stop

Whether it's behaving badly
Whether it's playing pranks
Whether it's being insensitive
Whether it's being a brat
Whether it's being racist
Whether it's being sexist
Whether it's being intrusive
Whether it's being a nuisance

Stop means STOP.
Tone matters.
Facial cues matter.
A grim face, fiery eyes
Scowling lips, gritting teeth
Pushing away, slapping

Stop simply means STOP.
Stop always means STOP.
It's a simple word
It's a clear red signal.
Stop means STOP.

Boundaries

Standing in a crowd,
I know the boundaries
Of my body
Just as I know the dimensions of my car.
In traffic,
If you're in a fender-bender
You yell
And scream
And threaten to call the cops
Nobody hits your car or bike.
NOBODY!
If you do,
You're a woman driver. *snigger*
But in a crowd
It's OK.
You step on toes,
Elbow chests,
"Accidentally" fall on people
Surprisingly
More often than not
On women.
"Oops! Sorry!"
*snigger*
You're a man
Who doesn't know
The boundaries
Of your own body.
What a car crash you'd be!
Maybe I should yell
Maybe I should swear
Maybe I should
Hit your "bonnet" in anger.
Maybe *I*
Should call the cops.
Occasionally
I'm in a fender-bender
And I apologise profusely
In heavy traffic
With blind spots
And lack of indicators
It happens.
Maybe *You*
Need a hazard sign
Coz you're
A walking car crash.
And I intend to
Treat you
Like
A
Walking car crash.
*snigger*

Hindsight

We contract life
We contract memories
We contract entertainment
We contract love
And then we forget to feel

We contract transport
We contract cleaning
We contract cooking
We contract work
And then we forget to give

We contract care
We contract teaching
We contract learning
We contract friendship
And then we forget to live

We remember too late
We regret too late
We make amends to late
And then forget
All we need to do is
love

Smothering the light

Twinkling lights
in the sky,
the smell
of oil lamps,
the knowledge
That your path
Will be lit up
Guiding you
Along this winding path
With that stray
Bout of rain
Gently defusing the heat
The end of summer (hopefully)
And the onset of winter

This is what makes Diwali
Bright, beautiful, breathtaking

The thought of:
A thousand blasts
A lakh if you're loaded.
Of whimpering animals
Certain it's the apocalype.
Of the elderly
their pacemakers
being tested harshly.
Of the imminent garbage
Carpeting the streets.
Of poor little children destroying their hands
Making crackers
So money can be burnt.

This is what
Diwali has become.
Corrupt. Loud. Polluted.
Heartless.
A darkness
Seeping into humanity
Smothering
That guiding light.